How I Stopped Hiding My Legs

Toothpick legs, stick legs, chicken legs, weird, gross, starving, anorexic, retard. What’s wrong with your legs? Do you eat? Will your legs break if I kick them? Does it hurt to stand?

These were the types of comments and questions I received every single gym class. The laughter hurt me, but what hurt the most was the look in my classmates' eyes, a look of being absolutely, positively, wholeheartedly weirded out by the appearance of my legs.

So I stopped wearing shorts. I begged for medical notes to skip gym class when needed and I ushered in a long and dreary era of hiding my severely different clubfoot legs. 

I hid my atrophied, deformed, severe bilateral clubfoot legs for the better part of my early adult life too. During my years of hiding my legs, on a rare occasion I wore shorts. The consequences were disastrous. Classmates gauged if they could wrap their hands around my toothpick shaped lower limbs. Adults cracked jokes about my legs, like calling me a starving refugee, and much worse. I mean much, much worse. During summer camp, older kids threatened to break my twig legs. Even now the issues continue. Random adults sneak pictures of my legs. Individuals on social media gleefully attack my appearance. Rational reasons exist for why I should hide my legs, and I must confess, the thought of hiding my legs still sometimes feels comforting. 

Before I get to the uplifting part, I need to explain that my birth defects are not limited to my legs. I also required major jaw reconstruction due to congenital deformities in my palate and other structures. Many times I hated my face more than my legs. Prior to reconstruction I had a difficult time saying certain words. For instance, 

“I look like an untouchable deformed thing” 

came out as 

“I look like an untouchable deformed ting.” 

Also my ability to breathe and physical appearance were impacted. Throughout my childhood, not only did I have the same struggles as everyone else, but I lived in the uncertainty of what if I required another surgery? What if I would lose my ability to walk? What if someone makes fun of my appearance? 

My dislike of my body got so bad that I couldn’t look in the mirror. I traced body parts in hopes that they were changing for the positive...they were not. I destroyed photos of myself. I delayed or cancelled experiences because I felt little self-worth due to my appearance. I mean, I really missed out due to all this distress.

With all this bad stuff, how did I go from hiding my legs to wearing five inch running shorts each day? 

To claw my way out of the long and dreary era of hiding my legs, I tried a bunch of tools. Below are the most impactful tools I used to become comfortable with displaying my legs. I believe these tools are helpful for anyone struggling to accept something they don’t like and can’t change. This includes not just physical appearance. These tools are not in a specific order and they are not unique or original. I am sharing what worked for me, especially tools 1, 4, 6, and 7. My change didn’t occur quickly, but rather over years, but each month I made significant jumps in embracing my notably different and powerful body. I am now at the point where I am grateful for how I was born and I wouldn’t change anything. I can’t imagine a life without the privilege of transcending my challenges in front of you. I am not special. You too can change your position for the better!

The Tools

1. Why am I Here?
Know your why in two specific worlds. Knowing these two Whys keeps you directed and motivated to push through your challenges. I worked with a coach to define, redefine, and prioritize what is most important to me.

World 1: What is your purpose in this life? For me, my purpose in this life is to be the best father possible, love and empower others, become the greatest runner in my classification, and work to make the world better in a variety of personal ways. 

World 2: Why do you want to get over hiding your legs? For me, I will no longer hide my legs because I never want to miss out on the goodness that life offers due to my fears of how others react to or perceive me. I will never miss another one of my childrens’ events, occasions, or any experience for that matter due to wanting to hide my legs. 

2. Visualize
Visualize the rewards of displaying your differences. For some, this step is very difficult because of past traumas. I needed to dig deep and practice this visualization until the rewards began to flow. Questions to help you visualize:

• What do I gain by no longer hiding my legs?
• How do these fears and experiences stop me from chasing exactly what I want from life? 
• What does my life look like when I no longer fear how others react to my legs? 

For me, I visualized going with my family to the pool, Disneyland, the beach, gym and other places while wearing a very comfortable pair of shorts. I visualized finding joy despite how others reacted to my legs. I visualized becoming the father I need to be, that is brave and available.

3. List
List the life experiences you missed due to hiding your legs. List as many reasons as possible and revisit this list a few times a week. This step provides reason for you to no longer hide. The more you hide, the more goodness you miss. Remind yourself each day that:

(1) You are no longer a victim to your appearance.You control whether you let your appearance ruin you day, week, month, year, and life.

(2) You will experience life fully and digest this goodness no matter how others react to your legs.

4. Give up control
Relinquish your need to control how others view you. It’s not your business how others view you. If someone views you as deformed, untouchable, ugly, unlovable, then let it be, and instead focus your energies on what you can control, such as your response to your adversities. 

5. Rewrite
List ten negative experiences that occurred due to displaying your differences. Now flip the script on these negative experiences and list out the positives from each negative experience. I’ve learned that many of my negative experiences helped me to develop compassion for others and build my ability to adapt. Click the link below to read or listen to my story “Why Me, Why Not Me.” https://www.livingadaptive.com/why-the-not-me-finding-empowerment-through-my-disability/.

6. Jump
Take the jump by no longer hiding. Set an ambitious goal focused on no longer hiding and commit to achieve this goal no matter what. For instance, I committed to wearing 5 inch shorts for a year no matter how bad things got. I now wear 5 inch shorts each day and display my legs to the world. By taking the jump, I found freedom to be myself and display my strengths. You can skip all the tools above and begin at this tool and Share Your Story and achieve your freedom from your fears right now. Go grab yourself some freedom.

7. Share Your Story
Post your story on social media and other platforms. I began to share my story about my birth defects, struggles with self-acceptance, the bullying, and other challenges. On social media, I’ve had millions of views and tens of thousands of comments. The vast majority of the comments are incredibly supportive. The rewards of sharing my story on social media were great. For instance, I built Living Adaptive, met some of my closest friends, chased dreams, and became a part of an adaptive community that includes you. Yes, we are all adaptive.

My friend, KNOW this, as I used the tools above my life changed. Somewhere in the process I made a decision to see the value in my adversities. I decided my greatest weakness, what haunted me, scarred me, ruined periods of my life, made me an outcast, filled me with pain and uncertainty, is actually my super power. One decision changed everything. It’s simple in concept, difficult to implement, and incredibly life altering when realized. Do the same and you will never hide your legs again. Hopefully, the tools above bring value to your life. I am with you, let’s go!

 

Published on December 3, 2024